Gilding the lily

Or the rose, anyway. I was somehow unfamiliar with Speaking Roses but I find them strangely interesting. Or maybe just strange.

I get that it’s cool in a techy sort of way for a bride and groom to be able to put their names or their monogram or their picture on their flowers, but … well, what for? In case the guests forget whose wedding they’re at? In case the bride or the groom forgets who they’re marrying? And wouldn’t it be more useful to stamp the vows on those roses so no one screws up during the ceremony? Prettiest cheat sheet ever.

In fact to be really useful, hand them out instead of place cards and then when the couple is making the rounds of guests, they just have to glance at the rose to remember who they’re talking to.

Maybe I’m just being a reactionary plant lover and all, but I don’t see how you improve on a rose, which by any other name — or with any other name stamped on it — still smells as sweet. (Except of course for the florist shop roses that have largely had the scent bred right out of them. But just go with Shakespeare on this.) They’re lovely flowers whether you have your initials scribbled on them or not.

Still I’d hate to pick on this one company when there are plenty of others doing the same sort of thing. Like all the places offering to literally put the couple’s name in lights on the dance floor. Or all the other places where couples can get monogram decals to stick on the dance floor, which are, supposedly, removable. (You’d hope so. Otherwise the next wedding coming in might be annoyed.) Or the personalized backdrop for your photos. Or hey, who wants a monogrammed cookie?

I know everyone wants to make their wedding special and unique to them, and help their guests make sure their names are spelled correctly on all the presents, but really you can do that without sticking your name all over everything. Because here’s the thing: After the wedding, the roses will wilt, the cookies will be eaten and you’ll be stuck with a used monogram decal and photo backdrop that you can’t resell, unless you find another couple with the exact same names as you. Which means, I presume, that the basement is going to get spruced up with leftover wedding decor.

Of course, if a wedding-themed basement is what you’re after, then go for it.