The Easter rules

Apparently they are less stringent than the Santa rules. Santa requires CIA-levels of secrecy, careful plotting, and carrots to leave on the lawn for the reindeer. No one seems too concerned about blowing the Easter bunny’s cover. Or even explaining why a rabbit seems so interested in eggs, and carries random chocolates around for children. And the children don’t appear to have to earn the candy by being good. It’s sort of a freebie holiday.

My childhood was spent trying to make sandwiches out of matzah (can’t be done) and pretending that macaroons are as tasty as Cadbury eggs (they aren’t). So Easter is still a bit of a novelty to me.

I did the Easter basket shopping this year, because I had a spare moment, and I was driving by a local candy shop that I’d always meant to check out. I of course forgot that everyone else who is Easter-centric would be doing the same thing. So the shop was packed on a Tuesday afternoon. The shop was cash-only. Some of the people ahead of me were dropping hundred-dollar bills on chocolate. Some of the chocolates were possibly as big as my head. On one level — the one at which I exercise daily and feed my family kale — it was horrifying. On another level, mmm, chocolate.

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I contain antioxidaaaaaaants … I’m gooooooood for you ……..

I deserve major points for not buying myself any. The temptation was overwhelming. It was helpful that I didn’t have any hundred-dollar bills.

Clearly some of the other customers were buying for both kids and grandkids; they were a bit white-haired. But still. So much sugar. Do kids actually eat all their Easter candy? I ask because we still have leftover Halloween, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day candy in our dining room, not to mention some Hanukkah gelt and a stray box of dreidel-shaped cookies. I’m trying to decide what the statute of limitations is on these things, and when I can quietly throw it all out. I’m feeling like that should be before theĀ Easter bunny drops these off.

I have no idea whether what I bought is acceptable, or whether this is a disappointing sort of bunny. I don’t know whether I was supposed to be buying three digits’ worth of sugar. I don’t even know when I’m putting these baskets together, since we have a seder on Saturday. (Welcome to my interfaith life.) I’m just winging it.

So, Easter bunny, if there’s something else I should be doing, please let me know … and also, save me a Cadbury egg. And maybe a Peep.

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