Cake toppers: Passive-aggressive plastic insults

I mean, you explain the above image. “Haha, look, honey, I locked away your freedom and happiness!” “You sure did, sweetheart, because cold iron was the only way I was going to commit to you!” Way to start off on the right foot, kids. You put that emotional baggage right up there on your cake.

I’m not any sort of wedding expert or relationship expert or whathaveyou. I happen to like weddings. I also happen to have a highly developed sense of the absurd. Which is why I wrote my novel, “How Not to Run a Wedding.” I’ll be posting bits and pieces from it, here and there, leading up to the day when I can present the entire thing in printed book form. Hope you come along for the ride.